I’m not the biggest fan of group work. I mean, I’m pretty socially awkward and reserved around most people. Also, I usually feel like I can do something faster if I do it by myself. That’s not always true, but I say it because I’m stubborn and I like to do things my own way. Anyways, I’m one of those people where I die a little inside every time the teacher says the words “group work”. It’s kind of like someone took a tiny little knife and stabbed me with it. Dramatic, right? Well it feels that way inside, like I’m cringing internally. And the funny thing is, I feel like my dread of group work is ridiculous. I’m almost sure it is. But it makes me… nervous. It makes me feel bad about myself.
My friends aren’t in many of my classes this year, and the classes that I do have friends in don’t involve any group work. The opposite is true for the classes that do involve a lot of group work, particularly science. We always do labs in that class, and we have to pick our own lab group. The minute I first hear about a lab, even if it’s a week in advance, I’ll start to get nervous. I won’t be able to stop thinking about it. It will be the only thing that crosses through my mind for days, simply because I’m so nervous about the lab groups. I don’t know what’s gonna happen and that really scares me. Will I be the only person without a group? I get this worried scenario that plays through my head, where everybody has a group except for me, and I suddenly realize what a loser I have always been. I would have to go up to the teacher and ask to be inserted awkwardly into a group. I don’t know why, but that thought always scares me.
On the day of the lab, I enter the classroom with my heart racing and my hands a little sweaty. When the teacher says “pick your groups” I feel my heart pound heavier than before. I’ve done a lot of things that people have called “courageous”. I’ve asked boys out before and told them I liked them/thought they were cute to their face, and I’ve stood up to bad teachers. Why is it these little things that make me so nervous?
I always find a group, and I always get out alive. But I can never seem to get that thought into my head. I know it doesn’t matter, but these little things are what make me the most nervous that I have ever felt. During the lab, I try to participate in the group and while I’m not doing that, I just stand there quietly, because I’m awkward and shy and I don’t know what to say (rip).
Thanks for reading, and feel free to share anything that’s on your mind anytime. Hope you all have a happy and nice weekend!